True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
