Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
