My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we're making bets on your personal life
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
