he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
