Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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