I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
