When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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