i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
