You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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