i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
