How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
