Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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