dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
