why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
