he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
