6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His hands were made for my vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
