Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
