Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
why is half of my head shaved?
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