no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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