I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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