Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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