Me too!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
