It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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