I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
