Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
