he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
