You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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