I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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