tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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