he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
