im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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