Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He passed out mid-signature
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
