Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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