I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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