porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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