eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
