K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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