Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
