we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
