It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
