Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
