About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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