I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
