I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
