My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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