Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
