after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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