why didn't you poke me back
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
