no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
