He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
