is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
