I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
