Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
